My True Love....

Turns 3 Today!!!!!!

Just Hours old...

A few Days old...

Tiffany's First visit....

Tobin's first Thanksgiving

Tobin's First Birthday

Tobin's Second Birthday

My man now.

It's crazy for me to see just how big he's gotten!

Tobin's Daddy

This is my brother Kale.

Kale and I have never gotten along. Ever.

We were O.K. after he moved out and got married, but we've never been close.

This summer, Kale and I have bonded.

I spent a lot of my weekends driving 5 1/2 hours one way to spend with Kale and the babies, becuase his wife left them.


I bonded with the kiddos, and with my brother. I was there for him in a capacity I have never been before. I think a lot of it is because Brent is in Germany, and often hard to have a conversation with because of the time difference.

Kale calls me now when he's having a hard day. He appreciates what I do for him and his children.

I spent my last weekend before I had to come back to school with him. During this visit he told me how much he appreciated my sacrifice. He also told me something that I thought was kind of strange.

We were leaving Walmart after doing some much needed grocery shopping. He turned to me and said, "This is going to sound kind of weird, but the next time I get married, I hope she's like you. Things aren't as stressful when you're around, like here at the store. The kids were always running wild and uncontrollable with Valerie, but with you. they're not."

I was extremely flattered my brother would say that about me. But when I told my mom, she asked me a question I never thought of, "would someone like you want to marry someone like Kale?"

My answer? No. Straight up. But I have come to love my brother in a new capacity this summer. I was able to serve him and his family in a very unique and special way.

My heart hurts for Tobin and Namara in a way that I can only imagine a parent feels, and that bond never would have happened, had I not used this summer to serve Tobin's Daddy.

Traitor

I have been in Colorado Springs since Sunday afternoon.

My brother called me on Saturday extremely upset. His wife left him and the kids in mid-March. She still comes and sees the kids, but only when it's convenient for her.

Anyway, on Saturday, she was vile, and said unnecessary things to him, and also told him she wanted a divorce. She also was a little too honest with what she's been doing the last few months.

On Saturday when he called, he kept saying "I just wish I had someone here" and "I want someone to talk to" etc. So I told him that if he wanted me to, I would come up. I don't start work until Tuesday the 1st, so I had a week I could spend.

I was under the impression that the kids had more interaction with their mom. Apparently not.

I spent the whole day yesterday with them. Their mom came, and Tobin started freaking out. I asked him if he wanted to go bye-bye. He said no. I asked if he wanted to go with his mommy. he said no. Shaking his head and grabbing my arm. I felt helpless.

Yesterday, the kids didn't leave with their mom. She stayed here for a few hours and then left. Tobin clung to me the rest of the day. He even came with me to the store, which he never does. I asked if he wanted to go bye-bye, and he said no. I said okay, and started for the door. He saw me leaving and said "wait for me". To say the least I was surprised. Tobin has never been much of a "people person".

He came with me and was a good boy the whole time.

So today, I thought he would be better about going with his mom. He was worse. I felt like such a traitor when I asked him if he wanted to go bye-bye, and got his shoes on him, and then when outside. He went running to my car and opened his door to get into his seat. I wanted to start crying.

His mom didn't understand. I could say a few things about her right now, but I'll refrain. Let's just say I've never liked her, since the first time Kale brought her home to meet us. I explained that his car seat was in my car. She said "I have my own car seat for him."

I said I know, but his seat is in my car, cause we went to the store yesterday. Then I took Tobin by the hand and led him to his mom's car. He started screaming. He gave me a look of despair. I really didn't want to do that to him. Not at all. I felt like such a traitor. He kept telling me he didn't want to go with his mom and I forced him into a car he didn't want to be in.

It's a hard position to be in. Knowing that a child doesn't want to go with his mom, but not able to do anything about it because I'm just the aunt, not the mom.

I wanted to cry. Especially when he put his hand against the window and said "please, no".

I hope tonight when he gets home from being with his mom, he won't be mad at me.

Thoughts

Today, I was thinking. I was thinking about an abundance of things, but we won't go into detail about that.

I had a thought of my brother come into my head. He and I have never gotten along much, especially as children. Now, for the most part, we're okay.

I was thinking about how I never imagined for even a glimmer of a moment Kale being a father. I couldn't fathom it.

As a young teenager, I had it all planned out in my head: Brent would be the first to be married, close to the time he returned from his mission. I would be next, married after my first year of college, and Kale would be last, lucky if he ever found someone who could put up with him.

As a college student, my thoughts have changed.

Kale was married after my first year of college, and Brent was married shortly into my second. Kale also had a baby shortly before Brent's wedding. Brent had a baby 10 months later. Kale had a baby 7 months later. Brent had another baby 10 months later. So if all this didn't confuse you, we are now in the present day.

I thought back to when I was young and Kale was mean. When he used to lose his temper and hit me, and how I cowered. It got scary, especially the older he got.

I never imagined for a moment Kale would ever be a father. Brent, sure, that was a given. But Kale. Never.

When Kale and Valerie had Tobin they were happy. Tobin wasn't the best baby, but he was managable. Things were good. Kale loved that little boy, and was good to that little boy, better than I've ever seen. Kale genuinely cared for his family.

When Namara was born, there was stress put on the family. Kale had been graduated for about 3 1/2 months and still was unable to find a job. They had relocated to Colorado Springs, and things were tight. Namara was fussy, and Tobin still unable to communicate (he being only 1 1/2 at the time) and Kale and Valerie started having serious problems.

They fought. They almost broke up 3 times, that I know of.

My heart ached for my niece and nephew. Kale and I didn't come from great circumstances, and we both had to deal with it in our own ways. I didn't want to see the heartache I was feeling come into the lives of my babies. They are so innocent, so blinded from heartache, that I felt it for them; I cried for them.

Today, I read my brother is again, in search of a new job. I pray that his family won't fall apart. The family he wonders whether or not was worth it. The family that has brought so many memories to my life.

I hope that Kale can start being a better Dad again when he finds work. I pray that God blesses him in his search, that he won't have to turn to military means where he leaves his family behind.

Too Many Words

All of my recent posts have just been a lot of me and my “musings” which is of course the purpose of my blog, however, I think it’s nice to also have pictures to go along with the words. So here are a few of my favorites from Christmas.

Also, I may be trying something new that I saw from another blog called “a picture a day”. Documenting my daily life in pictures, sharing a picture from that day. We’ll see. I typically don’t take my camera with me most places, but I may start trying.

Anyway, enjoy these fun pictures from my holiday season:

My cute little Mia, trying to fit into a sock drawer.

Brent trying to get a toga on Emma

Tobin playing cars on Brent’s head.

Tobin giving his favorite Aunt-T hugs. (he’s not particularly cuddly, so when he initiates hugs, I eat them up!)

Little Namara in her new outfit from Aunt-T. Such a cutie!
My favorite picture of my beautiful Namara.

Emma and her daddy. I thought this was so cute.

A special Emma-Aunt-T moment.


Bathtime moment! One of the 2 pictures we have all the babies together.

The only other cousin photo we got. These kiddos won’t be reunited again for 4ish years.

My Favorite Nephew

Actually, he's my only nephew the little stinker, but he definately is a favorite of mine.

And with Brent and Patricia having another little girl in a few weeks that makes Tobin the only little boy on both sides of the family, so he gets extra spoiled, but that face is just too cute to not!

I can't wait to see him in 2 1/2 weeks! I haven't seen him since May and I'm having massive Tobin withdrawls. So we're getting some quality T&T time in for a couple of days.

Happy Birthday Tobin

My wonderful nephew was born two years ago today.

What a joy he has been in my life!

He LoVeS birds and his Aunt-T!
He is super smart and knows how to get what he wants... (not always a good thing)
He is not cuddley, and has never enjoyed being held (sad day for Tiffany)
He enjoys being outdoors, and could stay out in the yard from sun up to sun down if we let him.

I love you Tobin!

Something Happy

I needed a smile today.

I hope this helps yours too.