March Goals

I realized today as I sat down to write my goals out for this month, there were quite a few from last month I didn't accomplish.

But that's okay. As Elder Hales says: Every day is a chance for a New Year's Resolution.

Here are New Resolutions, as I strive to be better.

• Read Scriptures Daily
• Pray on Knees
• Pray in the Morning
• Continue writing in Journal
• Keep room/desk clean
• Read March Ensign
• Attend Aerobics/Work Out
• Finish ALL homework
• Give at least 1 sincere compliment a day
• Be generous
• Live my life as if Christ was standing next to me.

A Few things to add

I was thinking of my summer list of fun and remembered a few more things this summer is going to consist of:

-A garden (I've always wanted one, but have always been too busy to have one)
-A puzzle a month - Mom and I love puzzles, and we both got one for Christmas, but they are undone, so we are going to work on a puzzle a month.
-Yardwork - I'm actually pretty excited about this one. I just want to help my mom out, and weeding out the yard and redoing the sidewalk are just a few of the many things to be accomplished this summer.

Decisions and Summer Plans

I have been having a rough few weeks. Only because I'm trying to figure out what I want to do this summer. I have been really hesitant to go home because my boyfriend of 2 summers and I broke up and we won't be doing anything together.

I also would love to spend a summer in Logan, just once.

I am up for a promotion at work. I'll find out on Wednesday who they chose.

For a while, I wanted it to be me.

But today at church I received a "revelation" of sorts.

I was sitting in my seat, listening to the lesson, (I think) and a image of my mom and me and my doggies were out in the summer sun, fishing.

I got my answer. I've been asking Heavenly Father for a while, what I should do, what I need to do, and I got my answer.

I'm going home.

I'm going to spend time with my mom. I'm not going to work my little tushie off, and I know Heavenly Father will provide accordingly.

This will be my summer:
I'm going to work M-F and be done by 6pm at the latest. No weekends, no closings.

• Mom and I are going to do leagues (bowling), our team name: The lucky ducks. :D
• Mom and I will spend our weekends going hiking, fishing, and who knows what else
• Mom and I are going to go to the rec center and work out and go to aerobics
• Mom and I are going to the park to fly kites at LEAST once a month
• Mom and I are going to enjoy a Netflix's subscription
• I'm going to enjoy myself
• I'm going to find myself
• I'm going to have FUN

go fly a kite

I'm super-duper excited.

I bought a kite today.

I can't wait to use it.

Snow, you can melt now. I heard the birds singing yesterday morning, which means it's spring, which means it's time for you to go away, and which also means it's time for me to go fly a kite!

Sad

I've learned sometimes it's okay to be sad.

Sometimes it's good to have a long cry.

Tonight is one of those nights.

"It was meant to be that life would be a challenge. To suffer some anxiety, some depression, some disappointment, even some failure is normal... If you have a good, miserable day once in a while, or several in a row, stand steady and face them. Things will straighten out...

There is great purpose in our struggle in life."

-Boyd K Packer

Cute

So, as I've mentioned, I work at Sam's Club.

With the approaching holiday, I saw numerous flower boquets coming through my line today.

There was a gentleman who came through my line with 3 boquets.

My coworker engaged in conversation, as I continued to ring him up.

He explained that he had a wife, whom he loved dearly, a daughter, and a daughter-in-law, all derserving of a beautiful arrangement.

How cute is that? His love extends beyond, as should all of our love.

Our love should always extend beyond.

Patience & Waiting

Interesting topic, eh?

I was thinking about it today while I skinned my mango.

Weird, huh?

Well, I work at Sam's Club, and therefore I sometimes have the urge to buy in bulk, like mangos.

The other day I bought a box of 6 mangos. I had felt them, and I tested their durability; normal things when picking out mangos. I was so excited for mangos that I brought them home and decided to cut one that night.

The mangos were not ripe, and I had no patience; I wanted a sweet delicious mango right then, but what I tasted was not the deliciousness I had imagined. I ended up eating only half of the green and bland mango, throwing the rest away before cutting up a new one today.

As I skinned the new mango just now, I could tell a difference right away. I had left this one in a place to ripen, and ripen it did. My fingers and knife dripped with juice, as I peeled and sliced this tropic fruit.

I realized that my waiting ability lacks in many aspects of my life. So often I want the juicy deliciousness I know will come, without the waiting. So now, I wait. Though I want to peel back the skin, I must realize that the fruit is not ready.

What on earth can I be comparing this to, right?

I think a lot of things. This has many applications to my life.

One: marriage. I want to be married now. I want to start my family now. But I'm not ready yet. MY fruit isn't sweet enough yet.

Two: School. So badly I want to just say I'm done. I've put in my time. But there is still knowledge to be learned.

Three: The Gospel. Fruit is a recurring motif throughout the scriptures. I read last night in 1 Nephi, with Lehi's dream of the tree of life. The fruit they partook was the sweetest above all others. Today my mango was the sweetest above all others that I can remember. So the gospel, too in the same way is similar. For two years I abstained from church. Now that I'm making the return back I again can partake of that sweet fruit to fill my life with the goodness of God.

Strange how something as simple as a mango can be so powerful.

So now, I wait, for the fruit to ripen.

Thoughts

Today, I was thinking. I was thinking about an abundance of things, but we won't go into detail about that.

I had a thought of my brother come into my head. He and I have never gotten along much, especially as children. Now, for the most part, we're okay.

I was thinking about how I never imagined for even a glimmer of a moment Kale being a father. I couldn't fathom it.

As a young teenager, I had it all planned out in my head: Brent would be the first to be married, close to the time he returned from his mission. I would be next, married after my first year of college, and Kale would be last, lucky if he ever found someone who could put up with him.

As a college student, my thoughts have changed.

Kale was married after my first year of college, and Brent was married shortly into my second. Kale also had a baby shortly before Brent's wedding. Brent had a baby 10 months later. Kale had a baby 7 months later. Brent had another baby 10 months later. So if all this didn't confuse you, we are now in the present day.

I thought back to when I was young and Kale was mean. When he used to lose his temper and hit me, and how I cowered. It got scary, especially the older he got.

I never imagined for a moment Kale would ever be a father. Brent, sure, that was a given. But Kale. Never.

When Kale and Valerie had Tobin they were happy. Tobin wasn't the best baby, but he was managable. Things were good. Kale loved that little boy, and was good to that little boy, better than I've ever seen. Kale genuinely cared for his family.

When Namara was born, there was stress put on the family. Kale had been graduated for about 3 1/2 months and still was unable to find a job. They had relocated to Colorado Springs, and things were tight. Namara was fussy, and Tobin still unable to communicate (he being only 1 1/2 at the time) and Kale and Valerie started having serious problems.

They fought. They almost broke up 3 times, that I know of.

My heart ached for my niece and nephew. Kale and I didn't come from great circumstances, and we both had to deal with it in our own ways. I didn't want to see the heartache I was feeling come into the lives of my babies. They are so innocent, so blinded from heartache, that I felt it for them; I cried for them.

Today, I read my brother is again, in search of a new job. I pray that his family won't fall apart. The family he wonders whether or not was worth it. The family that has brought so many memories to my life.

I hope that Kale can start being a better Dad again when he finds work. I pray that God blesses him in his search, that he won't have to turn to military means where he leaves his family behind.

Healthy

Last year I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer.

Last year around this time I was so lethargic and tired that I could barely muster myself out of bed to go to class. It was a chore. I had a difficult time, and I just thought it was stresses of life.

Last year, I was planning on going to Pennsylvania for summer work. It was through this job they found the malfunctioning thyroid.

The symptoms were abundant, I was just oblivious. My hair hadn't grown in a long time, and had lost all of its color turning a mouse-y gray. My skin was dry, I gained 20 lbs in a month while in an aerobics class, and my eyebrows would all come out at simple tug.

None of these symptoms really screamed "Something's Wrong!" (except the aerobics and gaining weight) so until my doctor pointed them out, I was clueless.

Well, turns out the cancer was benign, so I didn't need to have it removed unless it started to grow.

I cut my hair and dyed it. I figured I might as well, seein's how it was so unhealthy anyway. I started taking a thyroid supplement, and my body is energized and alert.

This picture was right after I cut it, the night we dyed it. You can see the lack of color and healthiness.

Now, almost a year after all of these incidents, I looked at myself in the mirror. I stared at my eyebrows, and for the first time in over a year, realized how badly they needed plucking. My roommate and I were just taking pictures for fun, and I saw how shiny and long my hair has gotten, even after cutting it since the short cut it was a few (11) months ago.

This is a picture from tonight. My hair has been cut/trimmed 5 times since the previous picture. Also notice, my hair is curled in this picture.

You can see the difference in these two pictures. Not just in the hair, but in my face. My face is thinner now than it was then, and my eyes are less tired and worn-out looking. My eyebrows are also much thicker, even after I plucked them out for close to an hour tonight.

PS- the fact that I'm making the exact same face is merely a coincidence... I think that's just my camera face.