Just Enough Time

This week will be a crazy one!

I have just barely enough time to get everything done.

I have 5 papers (I hope that's all) to write, 4 lesson plans, 30+ hours of work and RA conferences.

I don't have much time for anything, even sleep, (so I probably shouldn't be on here blogging away, but.....)

I am glad that I have learned how to budget my time and have just enough to get through everything I need to get through.

Going Home.

I'm going home. I'm thankful that I have the ability to do so.

I have a car, and I have money to get me there.


I am really happy that my boss, FINALLY after a lot of back and forthness, is allowing me to go home and spend the whole 2 weeks that Brent has off with Brent and my family.

I'm SOOOO Excited for Chrismas!!

I just wrapped all the presents I've bought, and I love it. The feeling is so good.



I am so grateful (once again) that I will be able to go home for 2 weeks at Christmas.



I am so grateful that my WHOLE family will be together for Christmas! (Minus Lily. I keep telling Patricia to tell Lily to hurry up so we really all can be together...)



But I'm so excited!

Thanksgiving

Today I woke up early. I couldn't sleep. The one day I am able to sleep in for as long as I want, and I can't.

I'm not super excited about this day, but I'm not dreading today either. I guess I'm kind of lackadaisical about today.

Last night when I got home from work there were about 10 cars outside my complex. Now there's just mine.

I am sad I don't have a close family, because if I did, I wouldn't have gone as far away as I did. But I needed to get away from my family when I was 17. I needed a change.

Now, I sit looking out the window wondering if all was worth it. I'm guessing so. I don't know yet. Maybe when I'm in a black cap and gown next year receiving my diploma, I will feel as if being far away was worth it.

But truly today, I have so much to be thankful for:
I have my life.
I have my faith.
I have the gospel.
I have my almost finished degree.
I have my family.
I have a roof over my head every night.
I have warm blankets.
I have shoes on my feet.
I have clothes on my back.
I have an institution which allows me to hold my opinions, while teaching me the opinions of others.
I have my life.
I have opportunities.
I have the ability to attain the American Dream
I have friends.

I'm sure I could go on and on. But, I am very blessed.

I have so much.

My job

I am so thankful to have a job right now. I have been really stressed out trying to scrounge together enough money to pay for tuition next semester, and then I wasn't going to have any money for anything else, including food.

I started my job the beginning of October and was promised to have time off for when Brent has his military leave. Long story short, the people who told me I could have that time off no longer were able to make that decision and my time off was rejected.

Today, after about 2 weeks of harrassing my store manager, I was once again given permission to have 2 weeks off to go home.

I am so happy I don't have to quit, and can save up enough money to pay for school! And I can start saving for next year, as well as be able to have a little extra money for other little things. That's one thing I've hated about college, is that I only ever have enough for the essentials.

I can't come down from the clouds because I've been so upset the last few weeks about not being able to get off, and having to probably quit my job just to see my brother. No fun.

I am so thankful for my job, and thankful that I've made a good impression that they don't want me to quit!

Disciples of Christ

I'm thankful today for people who care for me. People, who sometimes, I feel, care more about me than I do.

A Bad Day

I know that this month, I'm supposed to be posting about things I am thankful for, but today I am having a BAD day, and am having a hard time thinking of much I can be thankful for.

I guess I am thankful for bad days, because it makes me appreciate the non-bad days that much more.


So now that we have my "thankful" can I tell you about my bad day?

I don't know why it was so "bad" but I kind of woke up that way. I woke up feeling out of sorts and unrested. I took a shower and got ready to go to church. I was running a little behind, but not much, and my roommate says "I'm leaving. Do you want me to save you a seat?" I responded sure. She left and I started to cry. I went back to bed in my dress and just lay there for 2 hours. I couldn't muster myself to get up again.

When I finally got out of bed, I changed clothes and cleaned up my room, thinking that is why I didn't feel well. When things get messy, my focus becomes messy, so I cleaned my room, and my desk. Still felt blahzay. So I got my stuff together so I could go to the library, but the library was closed. My luck.

So I just kind of drove around Logan for a while. My mom called, which you would think would make me feel better, but it didn't. It just made everything worse, because she doesn't like to listen to me for some reason.

I then took cookies to some friends, and they were thankful, but it just wasn't doing any good. I don't know why, but today has been bad.

I don't like being sad. It doesn't help that people exacerbate that sadness by saying and doing things. Even little things.

I think it's because the holidays are so close, and I don't get to go home. I like having a job, indeed I'm very thankful that I have my job, but I miss home. I miss my doggies. I miss the smell. I miss the scene. I just really want to go home.

I am stuck in Logan due to my job this week. I don't get to go home. I have to close the night before Thanksgiving, and I work the next morning.

I really was okay with this. Until my roommate kept telling me I wasn't allowed to stay by myself, and I wouldn't be okay. Etc., etc. But really I was. She insisted I had to go to her house, and as much as I don't like being with my family, I like being with her family even less.

But she's made me so angry about it, that now I'm not okay with it... or maybe I'm not okay with her. Either way, I'm peeved.

Whatever. I just want to go home. I also want her to stop badgering me. I'm sorry for the whiney post, but really? Really?

I'm praying tomorrow will be a good day. I need a good day in my life.

Family Recipes

I love making recipes I grew up with. Tonight I made some "Candy Cane Cookies", but they didn't turn out like my mom's.

They taste the same, but they don't look nearly as pretty as hers do.

Trials

I am thankful for my trials.


Don't get me wrong, I absolutely HATE them, but I am grateful for the opportunity to perservere through them, because I know I'm going to be a stronger individual and daughter of God when I'm done.

I just hope, when I am done with the current trials I am experiencing, that God gives me a break for a small time.

To Be Me

To be me isn't easy. I wouldn't curse that upon anyone else in the world. But I'm grateful that I am me. It's kind of a weird paradox but it's the truth.

I'm comfortable being who I am. I'm comfortable saying what I think. I'm okay being in my own skin.

So when I get comments, such as "are you expecting?" or "what a cute little baby bump!", I can easily just brush these comments off. I know I'm chubby, and I know that my body collects my fat in my stomach. I know this, but I'm okay. I don't get down when people say this. I've done it, so I can't be mad.

I also am okay to do things by myself. I'm a very independent person. I've been alone most of my life. For the longest time I always thought that I was different from my peers because of my religion, but when I moved to Utah, I was still different, so I know my religion had nothing to do with it. That's just who I am. I am kind of a loner, and I'm okay with that.

I'm okay with who I am, but for some reason other people aren't. Small tangent. My roommates today wouldn't let me leave the apartment without calling/texting a boy or two to go bowling with me. I don't get that. I wanted to go bowling. Going with a boy wasn't going to change how I played or the fact that I was going. But they for some reason, had it in their heads that I needed a boy to fulfill me. This kind of bothered me. In fact, it kind of ticked me off. I climbed out the window after pushing out the screen, because that's who I am.

I have never understood why people are afraid to do things by themselves. I think my background has conditioned me to do what I want regardless. My mom goes to church and sits by herself, because she knows that's where she needs to be. Just because no one talks to her, doesn't mean she stops going. My mom fixes "problems" without calling anyone, because we never had anyone to call. My mom would go to my school alone, because that's what she needed to do. So I look at "dating" and at "marriage" and "social lives" and they're kind of a joke to me. My roommates are so insecure that they can't go anywhere without having someone to go with. If I want to do something, I'm going to do it, regardless of any body else. That's just who I am.


I am thankful that I am me, and that I'm secure with who I am, because I am unafraid to be alone.

A Day Off- Sort Of

As much as I love my job, I'm grateful I don't have to go in today. I was at work last night until 10:00pm and I have a lot of homework to do this morning, so of course I am blogging! But I enjoy a day off from at least one stresser in my life.

Friday the 13th

I'm not superstitious as a general rule, but I was reading a friend of a friend's blog, and they had the worst friday the 13th I can ever imagine for a person. I can't even imagine what they must be going through. The Fleener Family is a friend of a friend, and I don't know them personally, but I've read their blog the last few days, and I can't even imagine feeling what they are feeling.

They lost their healthy 2 month old boy to a freak incident that no one can explain. One minute he was a healthy happy baby, the next he's not breathing. This kind of thing scares me to pieces about having children.

But I am thankful for the amazing knowledge of eternal families, that they will be reunited with their son after this life, and this is not the end.

Brent

Brent is my oldest brother. I am so thankful for him in my life and for the example he has set before me.

I've mentioned in previous posts, our family isnt very close, but Brent has always been the one I look up to and admire. I love him in the most sincere way possible.

Here are some of the actions he has taken that make me thankful for him:
1. His honorable mission he served to Riverside California
2. His marriage to a returned missionary
3. His ability to be a great father despite his poor example
4. His encouragement of me and all that I do
5. His constant testimony

Brent has always thought highly of me, and has always told me so. Whenever I need to feel better about myself, is when I need a chat with my bro. I love and admire him so much. I know his life is tough right now, but he has shown me through his example the way to perservere through those hardships.

Sleep

Last night I was a bit sleep deprived, a bit meaning a whole whopping 2 hours of sleep after a 14 hour day of school and work, followed by 4 hours of homework, with 2 hours of sleep. Then another 2 hours of homework, 5 hours of work, and 8 hours of school. I am thankful for a warm inviting bed, that is oh so comfortable now that I have a mattress pad and don't feel every spring in the 40 year old mattress!

Tonight I plan on sleeping GooD!

Enough.

I am glad that I have just enough.

I don't have to worry about going hungry, or naked, or anything like that.

I am glad that I have just enough to get me by.

I've realized that the problem with our country is greed. Everyone is so greedy and has to have bigger and better things, and the minute they have an extra dollar in their account, they go and buy a $1200 television set, or a 4-wheeler, or new something.

I've never had much in my life, but I have always had just enough. Just enough for exactly what I need, exactly when I've needed it.

Memories

I LoVe this picture. Beyond words do I love this picture. This was from my freshman year of college, and probably the most candid picture that has ever been taken of me.

I was going through pictures with my current roommate and I came across this one, and haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Those were some good times. I have had great times since then, but this was a night to remember. I had milk spit in my face. Coffee cake was spit across the table. Lura and I lauged so hard we peed our pants, though I admit it and Lura won't.

*smile*

Friends

And more specifically today: "my Daves"

These boys have been an absolute blessing in my life. I have never known such wonderful individuals in my life. They are some of the best friends I have ever had in my life. I met them my freshman year and they've been there ever since. Whether through letters (they were on missions for two years), random phone calls when I need them most, or just being my friend, they have been some of the most inspiring Christ-like people I have ever known.

David Payne, is seriously the most amazing person I have ever met. I don't know how to explain it, but his personality is magnetic for how caring and calm he is. I know he has struggles just like everyone else, but he is always willing to help with mine, and I don't know why. My freshman year, he spent an entire night encouraging me when I threw a pity party for myself. I felt so bad, because he had a HUGE math test the next day he should have been studying for, but my pity party was much more important to him.

Also, just last night, I texted him if he could do me a favor. He said sure. I asked him if he would take an institute class with me and even offered an explanation as to why I wanted him to do such a strange favor for me. He didn't need an explanation, and he was more than willing to do it.

I had my explanation ready: I haven't been to institute since my sophmore year, and every time I try to go, I stop going, because I feel like I don't have any friends in that class, I have too many credits, or this that or the other. I feel if I have a friend in a class with me, I will have an easier time going back to institute and have an easier time going back to church.

What a wonderful person he is.

This is David Eldredge, or Tat as I call him. Tati is Romanian for Dad. So if you haven't guessed yet, he was my FHE dad my freshman year, and though he told me on numerous times, "just call me dad" those of you who know my relationship with my father, know I couldn't do that, so Tat became the alternative.

The first week of school this year I had a family emergency. My family has been falling apart for a while, but this was serious. I didn' t know who to call, because I was trying to get church member's help in another state, in a place where I've never attended. I had not yet been to my ward, and I was calling anyone and everyone I could think of. Well, during this phone-calling escapade I had dialed Tat's number, but he didn't answer. So I called more people. After I finally got in touch with the right people, Tat called me back. I told him in a very vague sort of way what I was doing, but everything was fine now. He asked me where I was, and I told him I was at my apartment. He told me he was coming right then.

Dave had never been to my apartment, and five minutes later he called me from the parking lot, because he didn' t know which one was mine. I opened the door, and the minute he put his arms around me I started bawling. I seriously cried. I have never felt so much love before. He told me I needed someone just as much as every single one of my family members needed someone, and I didn't need to be alone. After I was done crying, we just sat and talked, like old times.

This is the true meaning of friendship. He had much better things to do on a Friday night I'm sure, but he spent it with me in my time of need.

Sorry for my extra-long post about boys, but they're more than that, and I hope you see that.

Goals for November

I know this is kind of late, but better late than never.

#1. Finish all written assignments by Thanksgiving

#2. Make my bed every day

#3. Keep my room picked up and clean.

#4. Keep my desk cleared off

#5. Read my scriptures at least once a day

#6. Save enough for tuition for next semester

#7. Keep perspective

#8. Remain Sane

#9. Bowl at least 3 games in the 160s

#10. Smile and laugh daily.

Forgiveness

I know that my first "thankful" post was about my Savior, but I truly am grateful that I know and have Him in my life. Today I watched Glenn Beck, and watched him talk a little about his conversion story, and I realized more than ever how truly grateful I am.

Even more so, I am so incredibly grateful for His forgiveness, and the sacrifice he made for me.

I haven't been so kind to Him lately, and I know that, and I know I need to change.

But how wonderful it is, that I am able to return to His open arms, and His loving contenance, enabling me to utilize His forgiveness in my life.

Thanks to the atonement I am able to be the person I want to be, regardless of the countless stupid things I have done the past year or so.

Education

I am thankful for my opportunity I have been given to earn my education. It has not been an easy road, but I am really grateful for all of it. I have worked my tail off every summer so I can earn enough to go through the school year without any loans.

So far I have been in school for 3 1/2 years debt free. Unfortunately I still have a year and a half left. This last year is going to be the hardest. I had trouble finding a job this summer, and, well long story short, I am now working so I can pay for next semester.



But I am so grateful.

Thankful for You.

For the month of November, I am only going to post things I am grateful for. I think so often in this life we forget to "give thanks" for what we truly hold dear to our hearts. That, and the fact that school gets kind of crazy this last month of the semester, and I won't be able to spend a lot of time blogging (as you can tell from my lack of scaries this last week.) I think it might be a little easier than coming up with scary things. That was tough!

Today, Today I am grateful for:

I am grateful for the knowledge I have of my Savior, and the sacrifices He made the way so I could be here today, learning and growing through Him.