New Zealand

I think I've mentioned it quite a bit on here now, but I am going to New Zealand to student teach.

10 weeks from today actually, I will be boarding a plane to head to a land close to down under. (I would say down under, but calling a Kiwi [new zealander] an Australian is the biggest insult EVER).

I'm really excited, and I'm really happy I went ahead and went through with my decision to go down there. It's completely out of my comfort zone and something completely unexpected for me to do.

I had decided not to go. For about a week or so in September. I just decided I couldn't afford it, and that it really was a long time in another country, etc.

But when I was talking to my good friend Ryan on a date we embarked upon to get yummy Aggie Ice Cream, I realized I needed to go.

I realized I would regret not going for the rest of my life. My mom always talks about all the things she regrets. I hardly ever hear her talk about the things she's proud of, and happy she did do. Which made me realized that in 1o or 20 or even 2 years, I didn't want to be my mom, talking about all the things I could have done, and how I could have gone to New Zealand and I could have done this or that, but didn't.

So I took a proactive approach to the situation. I decided I was going to go. I filled out the study abroad application, paid the $100 bucks (for the application) and applied for my passport, all within 24 hours.

The trip is about $5000, and I didn't work as much this summer, so again I decided it was worth it to go into educational debt to go to New Zealand. I had zero debt at the beggining of the school year, and decided it wasn't horrible to go into debt for NZ. So I applied for student loans.

Now I'm going. I keep having emotional roller coasters regarding this decision and the advice I keep getting about luggage and money and whatever else. But I'm glad I'm going. I'm glad I don't regret applying, and I know I won't regret going, (once I get there).


PS- If any of you have any advice as far as money and luggage and etc. let me know! I'm going to be there for about 9 weeks, so that's something to take into consideration.

Western Cheeseburger

Today after I went to Skyview for observations, I decided to go to good ol' Carl's Jr. because we don't have one anywhere near home, and I'm going home tomorrow.

As I was sitting there, eating my western cheeseburger, I started to get a little sad. I was thinking, which as we know is never a good thing, and my train of thought just never stopped. Let me guide you through my stream of consciousness:
...
I started off by thinking about how I haven't cried at all this semester, not really. I have gotten a little upset, and maybe teared up for a minute or two, but I haven't full blown cried since January or February.
...
Then I started looking at Carl's menu. They offer all sorts of goodies. Then my eyes stumbled upon a chicken sandwhich, a santa fe one I think.
...
This chicken sandwhich made me think of Brent and how he would probably like this sandwhich, which made me think about the one time he brought me food to work when I was in high school I believe ( I was at Famous Footwear, so that narrows the timeline down.) He got a grilled chicken sandwhich from Wendy's and I was thankful, but upset, because it wasn't something I would eat, but something he would eat.
...
So while I was looking at this grilled santa fe chicken sandwhich up on the menu, I started to cry while I was eating my amazing Western Cheeseburger. Not a sob or a wail cry, but tears welled in my eyes and before I knew it they were trickling out.
...
I realized just how much I miss my brother. How much I missed OUT on with my brother. Our childhood wasn't a happy one, quite difficult actually. I sat and wanted to have Brent close to me, to develop our relationship with one another and to continue to bond. But I can't have that.
...
Which made me think of how much simpler life was. Life was a lot easier, (even though it sucked, if that makes sense), and we missed out on so much. I don't have a bond with my brother's the way my roommates do with their siblings, and I don't have a close connection with my family/extended family either. I think about how much I don't have, and it makes my heart hurt. Not in the sense that I'm ungrateful etc., but so often I think about how nice it would have been to have this great support system beneath me, supporting me and lifting me up instead of constantly tearing me down.
...
Everyone always tells me it's okay, because I can get that when I get married. But there's no guarantee. There is no guarantee that I will get married, nor if I get married that he comes from a good wonderful family. There's no way for us to know.
...
Which this past thought makes me more upset, because five years ago, if I told you what I would be doing would have been: Well, I'll be married, and finishing up school. Then depending on where he is in school, find a job and help him finish school. Then when we're both done with school I'll start having children.... etc.
...
Now five years later, I'm not married, and in Utah, at my age, being unmarried is not acceptable. In fact, it's frowned upon. I hear it all the time in my institute classes, and in sunday school, etc. It's not entirely my fault I'm not married.
...
Sitting in Carl's Jr. alone, eating a Western Cheeseburger. Only someone like me would be okay with something like that.

Last Day

Yesterday was my last day attending this lovely university as a student.

(Technically, next semester I am still enrolled as a student, but I will be student teaching so I won't be attending any classes. Which by the way, a $300 fee to do someone else's job??? Really? You're making me PAY that to do someone's job???)

It's kind of a strange feeling. I have been here over the last 4 1/2 years of my life, and so much has changed. I've changed. I definately am ready to be done with classes for a while (until I decide I want a masters.... :S), but at the same time, there are so many memories made on this campus.

Sometimes I don't feel quite ready to turn this chapter in my life, but I know once I get going, I'll be just fine.

Thanksgiving

I'm really Thankful this year for so many things. I just wanted to let you know that.

Here are a few of the things I am thankful for this year:
- The opportunity I have to Student Teach in New Zealand
- The relationships I've been able to build with my family members
- The fact I'm FINALLY graduating in May
- I've gotten my desired graduating GPA I wanted
- I have the opportunity to spend an entire week with my Tobin and Namara
- My loving Heavenly Father's arms that are so warm and inviting
- The repentance process
- Old friends (who I get to meet up with every few months and debrief over ice cream)
- New Friends
- New Goals
- Institute
- Sewing/Crafts/Projects that make me feel better about myself and my abilities


I think I could go on and on, but for now this is what I will be thankful for this year.

Literacy

I'm currently enrolled in a literacy class right now for school and this semester has been my saving grace. It's the only class I look forward to going to and the only class I truly enjoy. Maybe because I love reading and writing, maybe because my professor is A-Mazing, or maybe because I think it's often a forgotten art.

Anywho, in this class we talk about what is literacy. It's what I'm doing right now. It's making lists, writing e-mails, reading blogs. I write at least a list a day, not always a productive list, but a list none the less.

Currently I have a list for things [assignments for school :( ] to get done before I leave on Friday.

Maybe, just maybe I'll get everything done on my list, and put my literacy skills to good use.

Procrastinating

I never used to be so bad at procrastinating. Sure, we all do it in some form or other, but here I am thinking to myself, holy smokes! it's already November!

And instead of doing my homework that is due tonight and tomorrow, I've decided to post on my blog instead.

I will officially be done with my time on campus December 10th. Ever! I mean EVER!

It's a very strange feeling knowing that I will be done with my schooling for a while. In fact, it's strange that my family keeps asking me about graduation, what day, what time, etc. Crazy huh. I am going to start my student teaching, and my task of finding a "real" job in a matter of weeks. Literally. In 2 months tomorrow, on January 3rd, I start student teaching.

Then, on February 23rd, I take flight to New Zealand, and start teaching there on February 28th. I'm excited and nervous and excited. It's a really bizzarre feeling.

For those of you who are wondering, because I know you are because I'm asked constantly what I'm going to do when I graduate, this is my current plan.

I'm going to start applying for jobs in early January, probably around the same time I start student teaching. I have a few places that I'm interested in applying, though I don't think it fair for me to be too picky.... I am looking into DOD teaching, which is military teaching in other countries. I'm also looking into the Colorado Springs area, or Montana, or Wyoming...

Really, what I'm telling you is I have no idea. I know that I just want to get a job.

Well now that this post has been more of an I don't know what my future holds post, instead of the intended procrastination post, I hope you enjoyed. I'll try to keep you a little more updated.

Just so you know...

I will be going here very soon...

That's right folks. I've decided to go to Hamilton New Zealand to student teach. I will be leaving the states around March. What did you think I was going to say?