To Be Me

To be me isn't easy. I wouldn't curse that upon anyone else in the world. But I'm grateful that I am me. It's kind of a weird paradox but it's the truth.

I'm comfortable being who I am. I'm comfortable saying what I think. I'm okay being in my own skin.

So when I get comments, such as "are you expecting?" or "what a cute little baby bump!", I can easily just brush these comments off. I know I'm chubby, and I know that my body collects my fat in my stomach. I know this, but I'm okay. I don't get down when people say this. I've done it, so I can't be mad.

I also am okay to do things by myself. I'm a very independent person. I've been alone most of my life. For the longest time I always thought that I was different from my peers because of my religion, but when I moved to Utah, I was still different, so I know my religion had nothing to do with it. That's just who I am. I am kind of a loner, and I'm okay with that.

I'm okay with who I am, but for some reason other people aren't. Small tangent. My roommates today wouldn't let me leave the apartment without calling/texting a boy or two to go bowling with me. I don't get that. I wanted to go bowling. Going with a boy wasn't going to change how I played or the fact that I was going. But they for some reason, had it in their heads that I needed a boy to fulfill me. This kind of bothered me. In fact, it kind of ticked me off. I climbed out the window after pushing out the screen, because that's who I am.

I have never understood why people are afraid to do things by themselves. I think my background has conditioned me to do what I want regardless. My mom goes to church and sits by herself, because she knows that's where she needs to be. Just because no one talks to her, doesn't mean she stops going. My mom fixes "problems" without calling anyone, because we never had anyone to call. My mom would go to my school alone, because that's what she needed to do. So I look at "dating" and at "marriage" and "social lives" and they're kind of a joke to me. My roommates are so insecure that they can't go anywhere without having someone to go with. If I want to do something, I'm going to do it, regardless of any body else. That's just who I am.


I am thankful that I am me, and that I'm secure with who I am, because I am unafraid to be alone.